my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
