were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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