I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize