i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
