So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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