we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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