the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
