On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
