They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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