I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
