before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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