Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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