people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize