he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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