all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
