I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
