masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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