God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
