The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
