yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
