A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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