The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
