I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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