It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
