I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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