Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This couple is walking their pig around campus
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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