Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
