i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
