I want to have your abortion
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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