Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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