the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
