that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
