how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
