I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
