If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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