Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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