the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
