Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
