marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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