fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
