i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
