awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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