I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
