My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
