I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
