i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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