Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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