Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize