My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
