If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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