so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
