I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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