pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm passing your future prison.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
