"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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