You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
