Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
