You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
