My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
