96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
