You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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