At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
