So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
