You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
