Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
