my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He literally asked permission to hit on me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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