I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
