dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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