Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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