how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
