I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize