I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
