I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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