hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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