I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
