the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize