sarcasm needs its own font
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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