a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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