Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
