Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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