I heard we made out
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
