It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize