I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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