dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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