Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Randomize
