if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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