I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
FUCK WHALES
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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