I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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