My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
