Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
