I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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