TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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