Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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