HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
